Ask Dr. Hedda: He left me for another woman…

Posted on Feb 25 2013 - 4:08am by Dr Hedda Mae

The Cheat

Dear Dr. Hedda
After twenty years of marriage, my husband left me for another woman.
I didn’t know anything about this until he told me. He said they have been in love for over a year. She is about my age, not any prettier or smarter than me.  What did I do wrong.? My heart is broken and I am crying all the time. 
My friends and family have all been telling me bad things about him that I didn’t know before, but I still want him back. 
What can I do to make this better?

Dear Carrol :
Abandonment at any age is difficult and painful to deal with. There is nothing worse than being lied to by the person you trust the most. The painful aching empty feelings in your heart will go away. In time.  You didn’t do anything wrong.  You are the victim not the perpetrator.
Our entertainment industry has made millions maybe billions feeding off these behaviors.
No matter how beautiful a story it is, no matter how it made you cry at the end, adultery is still a moral crime.
You don’t need him back, you need to feel better about yourself and one way is to   make him pay for his deceitful behavior.
Get a good attorney that will fight for your rights, protect you in this difficult situation and get you the best settlement possible.
Stand proud.  Losing him is not the worst thing that ever happened to you.  Marrying him  was.

About the Author

Dr Hedda Mae is a psychotherapist based in Oregon. She has been in private practice in both the clinical and private sectors and has spent many years as a national lecturer on subjects such as family dynamics, childhood and adult personality disorders and multicultural psychiatry. She can be reached at -

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