Ask Dr Hedda: Is it Time to Get Married??

Posted on Feb 15 2013 - 3:57am by Dr Hedda Mae
photo credit: Adam Foster | Codefor

photo credit: Adam Foster | Codefor

Dear Dr. Hedda,
I’ve been living with the same man for the past 24 years.  I think we have a great relationship and many of our friends think we are married, but we’re not.  I’m 54 and Edward is 61.  I’ve been thinking that it might be a good idea for us to marry but I’m hesitant to bring up the subject because Edward has always been gun shy about discussing it.
I really don’t think marriage will change our love for each other, but it might make me feel more secure.
Should I leave well enough alone or give it a try?
Please let me know your thoughts.

Dear Ellie:
Let me get this straight- you are in a happy relationship with a good man for over 24 years and you don’t feel secure.  Honey, it’s not the man that’s making you feel insecure – it’s you.
Maybe this is the time to look into your own self esteem and ask why do I need something to happen outside myself to make me feel happy. If self revelation is not what you’re looking for consider this: wait until you are both eligible for Social Security it’s only a few years away.  Then there’s a reason for marriage.  The first one to die leaves the other covered by their social security.  Now that’s a real advantage.
This may not be what you want to hear.  Did you expect another woman to say – yeah – fight for it you deserve a wedding ring.  A ring that probably won’t make any change in your relationship at all.  Grow up.  Stand strong, enjoy what you have.  A good, lasting relationship is always better than a relationship where you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Consider this – what if you do push for marriage?,remember, he might say no.
Dr Hedda

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About the Author

Dr Hedda Mae is a psychotherapist based in Oregon. She has been in private practice in both the clinical and private sectors and has spent many years as a national lecturer on subjects such as family dynamics, childhood and adult personality disorders and multicultural psychiatry. She can be reached at -

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