Dear Dr. Hedda,
I’ve been living with the same man for the past 24 years. I think we have a great relationship and many of our friends think we are married, but we’re not. I’m 54 and Edward is 61. I’ve been thinking that it might be a good idea for us to marry but I’m hesitant to bring up the subject because Edward has always been gun shy about discussing it.
I really don’t think marriage will change our love for each other, but it might make me feel more secure.
Should I leave well enough alone or give it a try?
Please let me know your thoughts.
Let me get this straight- you are in a happy relationship with a good man for over 24 years and you don’t feel secure. Honey, it’s not the man that’s making you feel insecure – it’s you.
Maybe this is the time to look into your own self esteem and ask why do I need something to happen outside myself to make me feel happy. If self revelation is not what you’re looking for consider this: wait until you are both eligible for Social Security it’s only a few years away. Then there’s a reason for marriage. The first one to die leaves the other covered by their social security. Now that’s a real advantage.
This may not be what you want to hear. Did you expect another woman to say – yeah – fight for it you deserve a wedding ring. A ring that probably won’t make any change in your relationship at all. Grow up. Stand strong, enjoy what you have. A good, lasting relationship is always better than a relationship where you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Consider this – what if you do push for marriage?,remember, he might say no.
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