Dear Dr. Hedda: Excited but Bewildered about Taking Sexts to Real Life

Posted on Feb 21 2016 - 10:31am by Dr Hedda Mae


Dear Dr. Hedda

I’m in a situation that is very new to me and I’m a little confused about my feelings. I’ve been divorced for almost four years now and I started dating again about 2 years ago. After some searching around I decided to try online dating. At first it was a big disappointment to me. I was meeting a lot of men, nice men, my age range, but no one made sparks fly. I had a lot of one date dates. Then recently I men a younger man online, very much younger And he was terrific. Smart, funny, attractive, successful and the sparks flew. The down side is that we live almost 200 miles apart. After one glorious day together and a few exciting kisses we agreed we had to see each other again. So we started emailing each other every day. After a short while the emails got sexier and sexier. Now they are the point of just being dam brazen. I have to admit that during one of his emails I had an orgasm. We have now made plans to see each other again in a few days. I don’t know if I can live up to those emails. I’ve never, ever done anything like this before. Somehow it seems both exciting and slutty I actually went out and brought some very sexy underwear. And I am having a million second thoughts about this. I am much older than he and I worry that when he sees me naked he will be turned off. I am slender and in good shape for my age, that’s the key, my age. I want to see him,I can’t wait to see him, but the fear of him being disappointed is intense.

So should I cancel the date and keep the fantasy or should I give it a go and see what happens. I’ve already purchased a bottle of Champagne

Excited but bewildered

Dear Excited:

My gosh how often do we get an opportunity to live out one of our fantasies. Not very often.
My advice is have minimal expectations of a future with him, both distance and age may be problematic. But enjoy the experience, go for it. How often do we find much younger men who are that attracted to older women
Yes we both know couples who are happy as punch and their age difference plays no role at all. This has the potential for that outcome as well. And even if you two never have a real dating experience you will always have the memory of that one glorious night. Something to keep you warm in the winter and give you a more positive outlook that there are men out there that can make sparks fly.

Dr. Hedda

About the Author

Dr Hedda Mae is a psychotherapist based in Oregon. She has been in private practice in both the clinical and private sectors and has spent many years as a national lecturer on subjects such as family dynamics, childhood and adult personality disorders and multicultural psychiatry. She can be reached at -

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