Dear Dr. Hedda: I am Conflicted….

Posted on Jun 17 2014 - 2:33pm by Dr Hedda Mae

Dear Dr. Hedda:

I’ve been seeing this man for several months now. He is delightful. We laugh a lot and the sex is terrific. Every time I see him I care for him more and more.

We don’t see each very often, maybe three times a month. He lives a 2 hour drive away and can’t always make the time.

We both still work and I understand the difficulty. He is a medical professional and is frequently on call, especially weekends.

In between dates we speak on the phone and email. I love his emails they are sweet and affectionate. I get several a week. The phone calls are sexy and charming at the same time. He tells me how wonderful, bright and sexy I am. How I fill his thoughts all day long.

The problem is I think he is married. I have asked directly and not gotten a clear answer. And the only way I can reach him is on his cell. But that’s true for a lot of my friends.

This is the nicest man I’ve dated in years. I really enjoy his company. He makes me feel special and cared for. He has no obvious bad habits. Doesn’t smoke, rarely drinks and he has a very special super dupper sports car.

I think I am in denial about his martial status. As much as I want to know if he’s married or not I don’t want to know. I would hate to lose him. As I said before he is very special.

What do I do. Stay in denial and dam myself to hell for having an affair with a married man or do I cleanse my soul and admit that he is and end the affair.


Dear Conflicted:

Of course he’s married. And since he’s lying about this, as you said in a vague way, he’s lying about other things,

I know it can be lonely being single and it’s hard to find someone that you can really care about but this guy is a cheater and has been deceiving you for several months.

You need to decide if you can morally continue to see him, if your need for his company is that great that you can remain in this relationship or if it’s time to pull the plug.

There really are other men out there who can make you feel the same way. Single men, trust me they really are out there.


Dr. Hedda

About the Author

Dr Hedda Mae is a psychotherapist based in Oregon. She has been in private practice in both the clinical and private sectors and has spent many years as a national lecturer on subjects such as family dynamics, childhood and adult personality disorders and multicultural psychiatry. She can be reached at -

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