Dear Dr. Hedda:
I got a problem. It may not be a problem for some women but it is a problem for me.
I’ve been dating two men, one for about a year and the other for about 19 months. I like them both alot. Actually I think I love them both. They both know that there is someone else. They have never met and don’t know each others names.
I think that this arrangement works for me. I have two men that love me and have fun with. I see then each once or twice a week. I don’t know what they do with the rest of their free time. I see my friends and indulge my hobbies. But my friends are pressuring me to pick one. They say that I’m not being fair to them and ask what’s wrong with me that I don’t want a committed relationship with just one man.
So my problem is not my two wonderful men, it’s my friends. How do I get them to understand that we have choices and at this point in my life dating two men works for me. It makes me happy. I feel secure, I’ve known them for a while. They are not pressuring me in any way to form a monogamous relationship. And what’s wrong with casual relationships? We aren’t all made to bake cakes and raise children.
So how do I explain this to a group of 30 something, professional women, who think they know it all.
Don’t expect me to go three cheers for you, you little devil. I have nothing against dating more than one person at any given time it’s just that when it becomes your M.O. it makes me wonder what your real motive is.
Is it to avoid committement? No, that’s to easy.
Is it sexual in nature? The zipless fuck.
No not that> Is it that you enjoy playing men, manipulating people. Do you have power issues? Did you have a weak mother, a childhood lacking nurturing… oh, did I strike a nerve?
I’m not saying dating two men is bad and stop it at once. That’s not what I mean. What I want you to think about is not what you’re doing but how you are presenting to the world.