Dear Dr. Hedda, I’m Not Getting Enough Sex!!

Posted on Jul 24 2013 - 3:58pm by Dr Hedda Mae

Dear Dr. Hedda

Peter and I have been married for 11 years. I think we still love each other . One of the first attractions we had for each other was that neither of us wanted children. We still feel the same way. That’s not the problem.

The prorblem is sex. The first couple of years was great. We made love about 3-5 times a week. It was fun and we both enjoyed it. But, it’s been slowing up over the years and the number has decreased. It’s down to about once a month and then only if I push about it. Our lovemaking, when it does happen, it’s pretty dam good. Then I usually say something like. That was fun, lets do this more often. And he just smiles.

It’s not changing and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life having sex a couple of times a year.

Whats going on ? Is it me or him ? Is there some hidden message that he is having sex with some else? I confused, scared and horney.


Dear Confused

I’m confused too. Have you talked to him about it ? What does he say ?

If his sexual appetite is normal and he’s not having sex with you who is he having sex with. Other men, other women, his right hand?

Something is obviously going on. Consider his health. If ED is his problem that’s easily fixed today by pills. Is it more serious medical problem. Does he have some terrible disease he won’t tell you about? or is he just a man was a low sex drive and he seems not to mind since he is doing nothing about it.

You have to decide whats important to you. Is this the way you want to spend the rest of your married life. If this is the answer you also have to consider affairs in your future and that’s a whole other issue.

Start talking to him and make sure you impress the importance of a mutually agreed sex life. Make up your mind, don’t wait five or ten more years.

About the Author

Dr Hedda Mae is a psychotherapist based in Oregon. She has been in private practice in both the clinical and private sectors and has spent many years as a national lecturer on subjects such as family dynamics, childhood and adult personality disorders and multicultural psychiatry. She can be reached at -

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