Posted on Nov 17 2015 - 12:11am by Dr Hedda Mae

Dear Dr. Hedda

I’ve been single for a few years and I miss having a man in my life. Friends have “fixed” me up with several nice men but none that made we want to see them again.

A few months ago I signed up with one of the on-line dating services that specializes in my age group.

I went out with 4 men from this Service. Three were definitely not what their profile stated and one was just plain not my type. This doesn’t count for the 2 men that stood me up.

I tried all the things my single and married friends told me. I joined a gym, went to community events and joined a Book Club. Met lots of nice people but no one that made my heart tingle.

Then I got notified by a younger man from the on-line dating service.

He read my profile so he knew my age and situation as well as some nice things about I had included in the profile.

We’ve been out on a couple of dates. I like him. He’s bright and well traveled. He reads the same kind of books I do.

My issue is – he’s 11 years younger than me. That one keeps me up nights. By the time he is old enough for social security I’ll be close to 80. This is making me uncomfortable. I can’t talk to my friends about this, they think a young guy is great but I’m just not sure.

We haven’t made love yet. Though I am physically attractive I’m still more than a decade older than him. I am slender and in good shape but still some of the bumps and lumps that come with age.

I don’t want to end this it’s still a lot of fun but the showdown is coming.

What do I do.? Tell him my hesitations or just stop seeing him before I get dumped.

Just not sure

Dear Just Not Sure.

I can understand you problem. Yet for many years the issue of age difference in couples has diminished dramatically. It was always acceptable for men to date younger, much younger women. But it still wasn’t right for women to date younger men. Shades of being called a cougar and all the bad things that went with that label.

The times are different now. When we see couples we wonder more about their compatibility then their age difference and some men simply prefer older women.

Try this, don’t think about his age at all, just focus on the relationship and see where it takes you. Love has no age difference.

If him seeing you naked for the first time makes you nervous, talk to him about it. What are his expectations. Does it matter to him, has he thought about it at all? You may be making an issue over something that is meaningless to him.

Few of us, at any age, has a perfect body – men included.

What is important is you’re having fun, loving the attention and affection. Enjoy it. Don’t think so much, feel the experience. It may lead to happily after, it may not.

Live in the moment not the past or the future.

Dr Hedda

About the Author

Dr Hedda Mae is a psychotherapist based in Oregon. She has been in private practice in both the clinical and private sectors and has spent many years as a national lecturer on subjects such as family dynamics, childhood and adult personality disorders and multicultural psychiatry. She can be reached at -

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