Dear Dr Hedda:
I met Phil about 8 months ago. We seem to hit it off right away. Almost as soon as we started dating sparks were flying. It’s an attraction I never felt before. Everything was going great until… two days ago when a girlfriend of mine called. She said that she had seen Phil late one night doing Meth with a couple of his friends we didn’t know. They were doing it in the parking lot next door to the movie theater. She noticed him when she came out of the theater. There was no doubt in her mind that it wasn’t his first time because of his ease in using the drug paraphernalia. She watched him from a distance for a while to make sure it was him. It was.
OMG what do I do ? I really, really like this guy. And if Meth is just a thing he does with certain friends maybe I shouldn’t mind. He never even smoked pot in front of me. I told him, right up front when we met, that I had a zero tolerance for drug use.
I don’t want to blow this relationship off if it’s just a recreational thing for him, not really important. Butt what if it is and I wind up in love with a drug user, an addict. I’m sure if we talk about this and I explain all the problems it would cause between us he would stop. I could help him stay off Meth. I know I can.
Help me be strong
Dear Help me:
Boy I hope you’re young. There’s no other excuse for that kind of stupidity. Meth is one of the most addictive drugs out on the streets today. You never see commercials featuring happy Meth users. He is addicted. You are not. Get out of there.
You cannot help him. By doing that you become the “enabler”. You are holding his life together enabling him to continue his drug use.
It’s always very sad when relationships have to face this issue. If you make him choose between drugs and you. He will tell you that he will stop, it’s not that important to him and he will use behind your back, you bet ya’.
You can hope that he will have a moment of mental clarity in the future and really stop using drugs. But you better move on. Better a love lost then your life.