I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty tired of reading “Dating Advice From Men.” Sorry, Cosmo but I don’t care if Sam M. thinks it’s sexy when girls “think like men,” are “awesome,” and “super interested in you.” Despite your persuasiveness, I’m probably just going to be myself, and think with my already awesome lady brain, and be as into you as I see fit.
How often are women exposed to headlines like this? I would bet it’s close to everyday, if not multiple times a day. For almost every issue, of every women’s magazine, there is inevitably an article telling women what to say, what to wear, what to order, and how to act all based off the opinion of men.
In a moment of curiosity I googled, “dating tips from women” and the results only went to further my outrage towards the entire institution. Aside from an article from Esquire titled, “Relationship Advice For Men – Dating Advice from Women” and another from Your Tango titled, “Dating Advice for Men: Understanding Women 101” which was written by Susan McCord, there were no other articles advising male dating behavior from the perspective of females. Even the Esquire article, upon further investigation, only led to a article description which read, “Relationship advice you can use from 35 otherwise distracting actresses. And a couple of anchorwomen. And a model. And a Carmen Electra.” This is my own opinion, but seeing women reduced to “otherwise distracting” doesn’t exactly make me feel thrilled about this article telling men “what women want.” This image of Sarah Silverman was also the featured image for the article:
Aside from the two hits for my google study that actually followed my search criteria, the following links, again, all proclaimed, “Our Ten Favorite Dating Tips for Women” or something to that extent. What I didn’t expect though was the articles from AskMen, and Thought Catalog that both had articles explaining why men should never taking dating advice, or otherwise, from women.
AskMen’s article states:
“You have to realize that most women deal in half-truths when doling out pearls of dating wisdom. It’s not a deliberate sabotage; it’s simply a case of what women want and what they say they want not quite overlapping.”
Oh, us poor helpless women, always confused and never absolutely certain of what we want.
The article goes on to say that the two worst pieces of advice given by women are “Be yourself” and “We’re just looking for nice guys.” Because women of course, despite what we might think, want an artificial macho man who blatantly disrespects and invalidates us. Good job AskMen.
Thought Catalog goes on to tell us specifically why women can’t be trusted. The first reason is that they’re under, “a lot of social pressure.” This explanation states, “Women are always wary of being labeled as a “slut,” judged by others, or put under any kind of social pressure regarding their sexuality. Therefore, they have no choice but to distort the truth when it comes to issues like this.”
Another reason is “Women are experts at being women.” The explanation here is, “Women are not experts attracting women. They are experts at being women. As a result, the advice they tend to give to men is the same that they would dispense to their single girlfriends. “Just wait”, “the right guy/girl is out there for you”, “it will happen when the time is right”. The only problem with this advice is that it only works for women.”
Even ignoring the hugely problematic, heterosexual, cisgender implications stated here, it is evident that women are facing a grave disservice in today’s society. Buzzfeed recently posted an article listing “29 Terrible Dating Tips for Women from the 80’s” from How to Be Popular With Boys by Stacy Rubis.
The greatest travesty is that most of those tips are still being utilized today, just in a more camouflaged and subliminal way. Gender, beauty, and behavioral conformity are all tips of the iceberg when dealing with how the media controls men and women. Men too face unachievable standards set by these men’s magazines. While we can’t control these tactics, we can make the conscious decision to ignore articles telling us how we should look, act and speak.
So, the next time you’re browsing tabloids, avoid titles that attempt to determine your relationship worth based on Sam M.’s opinion. Instead, find the beautiful queen inside you, listen to her, and act however you damn well please. I promise this is the best advice for finding someone who will treat you with respect, validate your opinions, and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.