Where Did the Romance Go? A Experienced Approach to Divorce

Posted on Jan 12 2014 - 10:48pm by Margery Rubin

Dear Reader:

I love that romance is the motivation behind the RomanceBeat website but along with this emotion other things happen. When most of us find that special person we began with a romance and often hope that it leads to marriage. Marriage brings other feelings and emotions including problems. If you look at present day statistics you’ll find 50% off first-time marriages end in divorce and 60% of second-time marriages. Where did the romance go?

As a divorce coach, I’m here to offer you some advice on the subject.

It can be terrifying to think about getting a divorce let alone admit it to someone else. I run a company known as DivorceSource, a consulting firm that provides personalized education and support that will help you focus on the questions you need to ask yourself. Here are five of the most common and critical questions I am often asked.

1. I’m not sure whether I want a divorce should I consult a lawyer anyway?

Preparation is protection. It is important that you understand your rights and your spouse’s right. Those who deal best with crisis in their lives are those who are best prepared. There are some positive steps that a lawyer can alert you to regarding understanding your finances including income and expenses, assets and liabilities.

2. I don’t know anything about divorce lawyers where do I begin?

The first criteria is that he or she specialize in matrimonial law. Is the attorney respected by the court? Is the attorney a litigator? When you meet with them do they listen well, hear and understand your questions and concerns and take the time to explain clearly?

3. My friend says I should use her lawyer what should I ask about her experience?

Start at the beginning, how did she choose her attorney? Was that person respectful of your friend? What did she like about her lawyer? Was she satisfied with the results? Did she have reservations? What were the fees? But most of all ask if she would use the same person again?

4. I am in an uncertain and anxious state how can I take better control of the process?

Understand that the process is always unsettling and moves very slowly. Remember everything s open to negotiation. Fight for what you feel you are entitled to, but mastering the art of compromise is often the key to navigating a successful divorce.

5. How can I be sure of ending up with enough financial resources at the end of my divorce?

It is critical to understand the long term implications of your settlement. Be aware of the tax ramifications. You’ll need experts to learn the facts on what impacts your financial future. Maintenance is taxable, child support is not. Maintenance ends upon remarriage. Pension plans, social security and investments all impact upon a final financial settlement.

At DivorceSource, it is my place is to help build your awareness of the issues while educating you on the complications of the process. My book “What Your Divorce Lawyer May Not Tell You. The 125 Questions Woma\en Should Ask,” by Margery Rubin, is published by Fireside Books, a division of Simon and Schuster and can serve you as a good reference guide. Margery Rubin can be reached at divorcesource@aol.com.

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