1- Selfie Generation
The Selfie has been linked to narcissism. People are so self involved and thus detached, because they are so into themselves. They are trapped in their own little world, that revolves around them and that makes going to a concert or any real event, even just making breakfast, an ordeal and personal photoshoot where they are their own photographer. This may not seem like a major issue on the surface, but the context behind it is what makes people you may or may not date, emotionally unavailable, because it is all about them. People care so much about their image, that you never see their true self, but rather just an illusion of themselves or a caricature of themselves.
2- The Game
Neil Strauss wrote a very popular book called The Game, that a lot of people may not have read, but that covers some concepts of basic human psychology that can make even the most pathetic of suitor, a person with an ability to get into your mind and win you over, through trickery. The concepts of the book, from the negative hit, to the not showing interest, have gone totally mainstream, meaning when you really like someone, you don’t tell them, and in fact you ignore them, making them want you back, thus controlling the relationship in a cat and mouse “game” that rarely leads to an open and vulnerable place, that is warm and sweet. The game, even when educated on it – is a truth in modern dating that you need to be aware of.
3- Social Media
With Social Media, comes a few major issues in dating. The first is Temptation. People you date can reconnect or connect with anyone they deem cute, interesting, or that they have a history with. The availability and accessibility of other love interests are a constant black cloud over todays dating. “Follow, Like, Poke” or whatever the tool are the “carte blanche” grey-area flirt to “gently flirt” virtually without getting in trouble or thinking you’re in the wrong, yet sociologically, if you were to do this face to face, it would be deemed crossing the line. Social Media is not necessarily your enemy, but rather something you have to live with and accept, because otherwise you will hate your significant other, everyone uses social media, and the last thing you need to do is sit there drawing up a storyline that may not be fact. The world moves fast and when you break up, you may be forced to continue following the person as to not look crazy, only to be stabbed in the chest each time they update a picture with a new girl they are with.
This is a little different than social media. The art of the phone call doesn’t really exist for many, so the connection and communication you have with the person you are dating, may primarily be through text and with text comes a pretty disconnected conversation that never really ends, but that can be stressful when waiting for an answer from the person you are dating, only to see them update their social media, while not answering your calls, only to give you a text “SMILEY”. It is words on a screen and not real, but unfortunately reality in dating.
5- Porn! Porn! Porn!
Porn is accessible, it is everywhere, people watch it…a lot. As much as Porn has opened up the eyes of some people who may have had some lack luster sex lives, the truth is that the the availability of porn has made the nation a little more sex obsessed, but also, the sex they are obsessed with is likely going to be more hardcore, graphic and explicit as one of passion and romance. It’s like they watch hardcore sex all day, in a mechanical way, that that is what they think good sex is, and that may make connecting with a person more difficult. This generation is the “emotions aren’t part of sex” and “everyone should be having sex with everyone like it is porn”. It is what it is, and often times, when coupled in with TINDER, or Online Dating, and the SELFIE Generation, it’s just about the hook-up, rather than connecting with another person and it is so easy to text nice things to someone to get them into bed.
All this to say, dating has always been rough. It’s never easy to give yourself to someone fully. So in era where it is easier to meet, connect and talk to new people, those same tools work against you. Don’t give up on the dating game, there’s someone out there looking for the same thing as you. I am sure of that.